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Although I felt unhappy about this outcome, I also felt relieved that the conflict had come out into the open and I no longer needed to worry about hiding the real me from my father. Comments I received from Sylvie and Mirabelle indicated that not all of Villiers was condemning me. The local papers seemed to find it quite remarkable that a girl from Villiers-sur-Seine had made it onto the front pages of the national press.In spite of my happiness, there was something gnawing inside me which I couldn't quite explain. It was a desire to raise my devotion to Ramon to a higher level. The feeling was not new, it had been with me almost from the day I met Ramon, but it came back more and more often and with greater urgency: I wanted Ramon to own me, to accept and use me as his possession.During one of our visits to Le Chambre Séparée I had steered Ramon to the bondage corner. I told him how curious I was about the various contraptions and implements available and suggested he try out some. And that, as far as I was concerned, was part of the whole problem."All this raises a question," Zach said, forestalling an argument. "Jane's right, she seriously is. You'd think men would be offering birth control as a sort of a peace offering." ("Or maybe just a bribe," Christa laughed.) "How come they don't? Why did it become the woman's job to handle contraception? It's really one-sided. You get people like Mark Spencer who just walk up to the lady, you know, wham-bam-thankyouma'am. Pumps, shoots and leaves. And she's all lying there feeling frustrated, and she's like, 'What the hell was all that about, and why am I taking The Pill if that's all there is to it?' It's lopsided. How'd it get there?" Well, for a while, there was no such thing as contraception," Derek said. "There are herbs and plants that you can take to cause miscarriages, but as to preventing conception... They invented the condom in, what, the early 20th century?" Actually, I think they first started in the 19th.
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